Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Football Knowledge

The World Cup is happening at the moment, which isn’t news to anyone because it’s everywhere you turn, and I feel compelled to join in the hoo-ha. I mean I might as well, I’m getting a match-by-match update from Facebook anyway. My mother once said that even people who don’t normally like football enjoy the World Cup, but I’m yet to experience that for myself.
Anyway, I thought I’d share with you my knowledge of the subject that is football. I won’t lie, I was scraping the bottom of the barrel by number four.
1)     The goalie wears a different coloured shirt from the other footballers, presumably so people know he’s the goalie. But this should be obvious, if he wasn’t why would he be stood in the goal? It’s the only thing on the pitch besides the ball so there’s no way someone could accidently wander into it.
2)      The manager is often a big out of shape looking, which makes me thinking coaching is mainly do as I say not as I do.
3)      Football boots are like trainers with studs on the bottom, which means they’re trainers or, at a push, shoes but definitely not boots.
4)      Even with my limited viewing I’ve never seen a football team have oranges at half time, which makes me wonder where all that started.
5)      Coco-Cola sponsors a lot of football things, which is bloody ironic.
6)      Men believe they can control the players on the screen by shouting at them.
7)      For something that should be a stress relieving, relaxing pastime (it’s just watching TV after all, for most fans) it gets ridiculously violent.
8)      Gone are the days when ‘it’s the taking part that counts’. But I guess you’re not being paid £stupid to play for the craic.
9)      It gave us David Beckham, say what you want I’d be happy to watch him run around for 90 minutes. But only if there’s no clothes and two balls on the pitch.
10)   The Americans call it soccer, because their football is a bit like our rugby and because they can’t speak English properly. You can’t change the ‘s’ to ‘z’ in a word, drop your ‘u’s and make up a few words then call it a new language. No, sorry, either put in the effort or accept you’re speaking English.

"Ah-ha! Not such a wholesome, innocent snack now am I?!"