Saturday, 24 March 2012

First World Problems

A list of the things that are currently bugging me, but are so unbelievably trivial that you'd have to be part of the first world to even consider them an issue.

1) The DVD I ordered five days ago still hasn't arrived.

2) We're officially out of chocolate.

3) We're also out of milk so I can't satisfy my chocolate craving by making some chocolate milk.

4) There's nothing worth watching on tv, also I have a hand cramp from college yesterday so I can't do my homework either.

5) The washing up STILL hasn't done itself.

6) When I walk up stairs my slippers won't co-operate and sometimes I trip/stumble.

7) I can't afford a new Radley purse, mainly because I bought Elizabeth Arden moisturiser this week.

8) The internet keeps teasing me with Radley purses I can't afford.

9) The light bulbs in my kitchen are too dim, also one is brighter than the other.

10) I can't think of a tenth problem to make this list up to an even number.

Tuesday, 20 March 2012


There's nothing better than your first of anything. The first bite of chocolate is always the sweetest, the first moment that you get to sit down is the most relaxing, the first bottle of wine is always the most agreeable...
I wonder why that is. There's no difference between the first bite of chocolate and the second. It's the same bar, the same size, it's the same. So why is it so different? Is it the sudden change? Or perhaps it's built into us to only appreciate something for a short amount of time. Maybe it's because we only get one 'first' (I keep feeling like I'm talking about sex), but by that logic we only get one second and one third. If anything we get more firsts than anything else because you can't get seconds or thirds without it.
Why should the first be any different from the second, third, fourth etc? Really the first should be the worst because we don't know what we're doing (I swear I'm not on about sex). The first time you ride a (wait for it) bike is probably going to coincide with the first time you fall off. If anything the hundredth time you ride a bike should be the best because there's such a low chance of you falling off. You can ride without fear. Sure the risk of falling off adds to the thrill, but isn't it much nicer to know you can have a ride around and not fall off?
Today I wrote a blog post without making any sort of joke...pretty much

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

I'm Back!

The only problem with getting better at regularly posting to my blog is when I let it slide for a while I feel worse than what I would if I was always dossing off.
Recently I've had quite a negative mood, nothing that can be blamed on anything just negativity for the pure sake of negativity. On the bright side of the dark cloud, negativity can breed my favourite form of humour, namely sarcasm. Whoever said it was the lowest form of wit was just jealous that they didn't think of it first.
Unfortunately negativity also breeds writter's block. I honestly cannot think of anything worth commiting to type. The world is a boring place for me at the moment.

Saturday, 3 March 2012

How Much are YOU Willing to Change?

You get yourself a new girlfriend/boyfriend and they tell you they'd prefer it if your hair was short. What would you do? Would you reach for the scissors or tell them to get lost? I think most of us would go for the latter. But what if it was a small change? Say they preferred you in jeans, so every time you saw them you'd make the effort to wear jeans. Next time you were shopping instead of a new skirt you bought new jeans. Soon you have a load of jeans and no skirts in your wardrobe. Now you're a person who only wears jeans because that's what your partner likes. But if someone asked you right now would you give up all your other clothes and only wear jeans you'd probably laugh in their face.
This theory can be applied to other issues, say your other half dislikes you talking to other men. You have a lot of fights about you talking to men. So you stop talking to new men and just talk to existing male friends. Then you find they don't like that because you're 'too close' to your male friends. You spend more time with your partner instead of your male friends which causes your friendships to decline. Before you know it all your friends are female. but if someone had asked you at the beginning of the relationship if you'd be willing to give up all your male friends for your new partner you wouldn't have said yes.
The biggest changes happen when we're least aware. Even though we'd never outright agree to something it doesn't mean that it won't happen over time. Women especially need to be aware of the signs of their partner trying to control them because what starts as a small issue can snowball on them.
My advise for anyone recognising any of the issues raised in today's blog post is to become more assertive. If your partner doesn't like it then tough! Don't be pushed around because you're worth more than that.

Friday, 2 March 2012

Free Advice for Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga hit our screens in 2008 and has been incredibly successful, for that I have a lot of respect for her. However, I do think there's a few things one of her friends should have told her a long time ago instead of leaving it to a teenage blogger.
1) Stop dressing like you haven't put your clothes on yet. Every single video she prances around in her underwear, yes you're a good dancer Gaga but when you learned to dance did you forget how to dress yourself? Or perhaps you just blew the budget on your weird dresses (should have gone for a cheaper cut of meat).
2) Don't preach what you don't follow. Lady Gaga's song "Born This Way" tells all her listeners that they're beautiful just the way they are. Not airbrushed, not 10lbs lighter and not once they've coated themselves head to toe in foundation. So why is the video all about her dancing about showing off for losing a stone since "Just Dance"? Seriously, compare her weight from then and now. Obviously she's changed herself to fit in the other celebrities. No matter how many lobster hats you wear if you're starving yourself to fit in with the size 0 trend then you're just another sheep. Just a badly dressed one. Which, ironically, goes against the whole image she projects of herself being unique.
3) Eat a sandwich. This one I can't stress enough. I really liked Lady Gaga when "Just Dance" came out, she was different without being completely absurd and she was slim without looking like she starved herself. A healthy (British) size 8 if you asked me. But now, well...she looks like she eats a carrot a day and spends the rest of her time on the treadmill. No longer does she look like a beautiful woman, now she looks like a skeleton with make up. Some people can pull off the 'heroin chic' look, Kate moss for example, but that's because they're naturally that thin. Lady Gaga needs a good meal and a holiday. Her body obviously obviously can't take what she's putting it through because she's aged at a ridiculous speed in her face.


I feel sorry for her in a way because it looks like if she doesn't get pulled off the path she's on she's going to find the end of the road is sooner than she expected. Which is a terrible shame.